You should have told them that your Son gave his first talk when he was only 5 years old and he did it speaking Farsi.
Pete Zahut
JoinedPosts by Pete Zahut
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17
Jehovah's Witness pi$$ing contest
by hoser inok more about the jw wedding i attended.
there were these two couples at our dinner table that were having an all out pissing competition as to who was the most spiritual.
they were comparing who was in "the truth" the longest, who pioneered where and for how long.
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circumcision as a mark of gods people
by user100 inso the last two watchtower studies talked about circumcision as a mark of god's people.
i thought it was weird why they would pick that as a mark.
why dont they chop of their earlobe er something.
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Pete Zahut
I remember a little girl answering one of the questions during a Sunday Watchtower study dealing with the difference between "literal circumcision" and "circumcision of the heart" ( a favorite JW topic) . Much to the discomfort of the audience, she gave a full description of each process. It was pretty creepy and one of those moments I was glad there wasn't a new person in the audience or one of my "unbelieving" relatives. -
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we are in the 3rd century of the end being sooo close!
by nowwhat? init started in the 1870's then throughout the 20th century.
and now here we are 15 years into the 21st century.
how many generations is that?
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Pete Zahut
The end has been "close" since the days of the Apostles. -
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JW Cart's Family Photos. My Pusher stole my JWCart1975 I.D. but here I am!
by JWCart insome of us ride, some of us roll.. .
family reunion of jw carts gathering together for missionary work, some people waste their time in liberia trying to help ebola victims, jehovah's organization spends all their time focused on meaningful endeavors by bringing them salvation.
pusher said "why bother helping when people are going to die anyway, focus on the big picture (joining jehovah's organization is the only way to eliminate homelessness, hunger and global issues", doctors waste their time in west africa when they could be pushing carts with literature and books, that's real healing", i still don't understand why we can't help the poor and sick but than again, i am just a jw cart!.
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Pete Zahut
If the guy on the scooter got going fast enough the tracts would deliver themselves ! -
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Saved by the Bell Reunion
by enigma1863 inhow many people saw the saved by the bell reunion on the tonight show?
i completely forgot lark voorhies is a jw.
do you think being a jw was the real reason she didn't join the reunion?.
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Pete Zahut
I understand she suffers from Lupus and some kind of mental disorder but they are saying she wasn't on it because of her intense work schedule. Haven't seen her in Movies or T.V in decades....so maybe she's Pioneering this month. -
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It must be of concern to the GB with all the information that is been leaked now
by joe134cd ini was just watching cedars prank call to tomo3.
by the way lloyd very well done and totally funny.
but on a more serious note (and i think what must be of concern to the gb) are the amount of leaks that must be occurring at a senior level or at least by a person who has access to sensitive information.
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Pete Zahut
They're in a self imposed prison cell whose bars are made of secrets that aren't really secrets rather paranoid delusions about their own importance and significance in the world scheme. -
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EXPERTS ONLY! A Pop Quiz on (current) Watchtower teaching
by TerryWalstrom inpop quiz on jw (current) teaching.
1. was jesus 2nd coming in 1914?.
2. is jesus 2nd (parousia) presence the same thing as his coming?.
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Pete Zahut
1. Was Jesus’ 2nd coming in 1914?
He would have been too old by then to come twice especially since they hadn't invented Viagra yet.
2. Is Jesus’ 2nd (parousia) presence the same thing as his ‘coming?’
No, although he was in deed present, there was no second coming, (see above)
3. Is the doctrine of the ‘faithful and discreet slave’ still regarded as a prophecy instead of a parable?
It was a prophecy that was made into a mini-series called Roots starring Lavar Burton
4. Were the FDS appointed over ‘all His belongings’ in 1919?
Yes they were and they were appointed over your belongings as well.
5. Did the Gentile Times end in 1914, or is that yet to come at a future date?
Yes, the Gentile Times was bought-out by the International Bible Students and was run into the ground. Eventually it resurfaced as The WATCHTOWER
6. Is the ‘great tribulation’ in the past, the present, or yet to come in the future?
Anyone who lived through the Bush years knows the answer to that one.
7. Did Jesus die in order to save the ‘Great Crowd’?
No...because there was nothing that great about them.
8. If the Bible was only written for the anointed, why should non-anointed bother to read it ?
The non-anointed read it just so they tell the Anointed what it's about in case someone asks them for advice..
9. Was Charles Taze Russell a member of the anointed 144,000? If so, since what date?
Yes he was and so was his wife Maria . After she died and joined him up yonder, they took up where they had left off. The marital discord and the constant bickering over these many decades resulted in the two of them being posthumously removed .
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Ode to the trolleys in Feb's broadcast
by konceptual99 incheck out the song about the trolley at the end of this month's dubcast.. http://www.jw.org/download/?fileformat=mp4&output=html&pub=jwb&issue=201502.
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Pete Zahut
I half expected a couple of cartoon Lobsters to start snapping their claws in time to the music like they did in The Little Mermaid.
It wouldn't surprise me if they came out with a Caleb video, featuring "Wally The Singing Trolley". as a way to get the next generation of little kids on board with the new literature cart preaching method,
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Translating and deciphering witness expressions.
by stuckinarut2 ini wanted to start a thread with correct explanations of what witnesses really mean when they say stuff... please add to it!.
"we missed you at the last meeting" = "where were you?
why did you miss a meeting!?".
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Pete Zahut
Consoling the depressed souls among you. = Sorry you're depressed...my advice as an Elder and as someone who is shepherding the flock with kindness is to go read the account of Job and see how he was covered with boils and Jehovah allowed all of his children to be killed but made everything right again by giving him 10 other children. (poor Mrs. Job...carried 20 kids)
Superior Authorities = Government agencies who are scorned and condemned in our literature yet are the first ones we turn to when someone infringes on our right to preach or more importantly when we need Police protection, a welfare check, unemployment compensation or government cheese.
International Assembly/ Paying more than the usual attention. = Spending a months shopping for a new outfit for each day of the assembly then zoning out the minute you hear the speaker say "Good Morning Brothers".
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Translating and deciphering witness expressions.
by stuckinarut2 ini wanted to start a thread with correct explanations of what witnesses really mean when they say stuff... please add to it!.
"we missed you at the last meeting" = "where were you?
why did you miss a meeting!?".
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Pete Zahut
Satan is blinding their eyes. = They are too smart to swallow all of our failed prophecies and predictions
about the future anymore.
Regular in the Ministry = Driving around the territory handing out leaflets and avoiding questions
often enough this month so no one can give you grief about or feel superior
to you.
Serving where the need is greater. = Serving where the need is more fun.
Newly interested one = Someone who's life is falling apart and has nowhere else to turn/ Someone
who has'nt been told the entire story.
Fight the fine fight of the faith = Feeling good about not bursting into tears or clobbering a householder
when they showed you from your own Bible or an older publication where your
beliefs are incorrect and you don't know the history of your own religion.